The Number One Thing Women Do That Keep Them From Getting The Ring
He says he loves you. You have spent some time together and you know he is someone that you can share your life with . He says,”Let’s move in together,” And you happily oblige!
You cook for him. Do his laundry. Clean for him. Make sure that the home you share is a peaceful, safe haven. Then along comes the changing of diapers and wiping runny noses.
You do this for awhile and begin to discuss marriage. He says why mess with something that isn’t broken. Why get married when you already live like a married couple? Makes sense don’t it?
Why buy the cow when the milk is for free?
This is a common predicament that most women find themselves in. He doesn’t have to marry you, you already have given him all of you. You tell him you want to be married but your actions are saying you don’t. You are already giving him all of you without the need for a true commitment. Why would he want to walk down the aisle if you have already been living the married life? Living this type of lifestyle will have you settling on being a just a baby mama, a lifelong girlfriend, or he is waiting for the right one to come along that he will leave you to marry.
Dating and marriage are two different things. While you are dating there should be limits and boundaries. No having babies, shacking up, taking care of his kids, cleaning his house, etc. A lot of women find themselves doing as such in the beginning of the relationship to prove that they are wifey material.
Giving all of yourself too early leaves you vulnerable and emotionally drained. You’re giving your all to someone who can easily just walk out the door the next day. Deuces!
I’m sure you have all heard people say, “Marriage is just a piece of paper.” However, Jesus and the law see marriage as something different. Some people view it now as a piece of paper, but it means so much more than that. We have made it worth nothing by cheating on each other, being dishonest, and not being fully committed to the vows. To many it’s just words on paper. A man can leave you if you are married or not so what’s the difference? At least if you divorce you walk away with alimony, a house, savings accounts for your children. You will be left with something.
You are selling yourself short playing the shacking game and playing pretend. Some men will go this route and string you along until you get tired of it and cut the benefits off because he won’t put a ring on it or until he finds someone else to play pretend with.
I have seen many women have babies thinking this will change their minds. Now that you are a family, the next step is marriage. Such backwards thinking! Babies make him a parent, not a husband. That old, dusty trick in the book never works.
So what privileges you don’t give your boyfriend? The first is money. No matter the circumstance, you should not be sharing bank accounts and giving him access to your credit and debit cards. Co-signing for him to get a car, an apartment, etc is an absolute no. Some guys will measure how much you love them by testing you to see how gracious you will be with your finances. “If you love me you would pay for…” It’s an old manipulation tactic. The thing is if he loves you,he wouldn’t ask.Opening bank accounts and credit cards are for people who are truly committed for the long haul. Not for boyfriends. Boyfriends are temporary and temporary doesn’t mix well with money.
The second is major life decisions. Your career, education, children, whether to move or to buy a house. Those types of decisions should be made without his opinion. He is a boyfriend. What direction your life goes, at this point, is only up to you. Just think about it. Your boyfriend decides you should not accept your job promotion which requires you to move. You decide it’s best to stay so you and he can continue your relationship without a hitch. Three months later you break up and now you have missed out on furthering your career. Temporary doesn’t mix well with life decisions. It’s like oil and water.
Giving boyfriends husband privileges can set you up for emotional and financial distress. You can spend years trying to make a temporary situation permanent and find yourself playing wife for a long time. Life is too short to play.