Are you dating or married to a Mama’s boy? Do you find yourself competing for his love and attention with his mother? These men have great qualities that make them exceptional mates, however there is one thing that stands in the way: his mother! Still not sure if this is the case? Below are red flags that you are with a Mama’s Boy and how to deal.
Breaks dates for mother. In the middle of your candlelit dinner she calls. She needs him to run to the store. As you are getting dressed for your date he calls and cancels. His Mama needs him to take her to the senior citizen dance. Every time y’all have an evening or day planned does he have to break the date to come to her rescue? There is nothing wrong with him taking care of his mother, but does she really need him to help her change her living room furniture around at eleven o’clock at night and interrupt y’all getting your groove on? I think not!
Mom still picks up after him. Does his Mom make weekly visits to clean his home? If she consistently does his laundry and clean his apartment, something is not right. Does he make excuses as to why she needs to help him clean? A grown man should be able to to keep his place clean and do his laundry without sny help. Does he need a girlfriend or a maid?
She dictates his life. Whenever he needs to make a decision who does he call on? Does he call you? Or his Mama? Does he call you first? When it comes to his job, friends, clothing, the kind of girl he dates, what he eats; any decision that needs to be made he goes to her for it. He can’t eat pork because it clogs his arteries. He doesn’t look good in the color blue. And he can only go out with women who’s roots are in the Baptist church. He listens to her every word and treats it like scriptures. Even quotes her. “Mama says I shouldn’t….“ “Mama says what’s best is….“ His Mom makes all the decisions.
He tells her EVERYTHING. Sitting at a family dinner, his mother blurts out information that you he, her beloved son, as told her that you told him not to divulge to anyone. In the middle of eating your sweet potatoes she blurts out, “So, did you get that nasty yeast infection cleared up honey?” What?! How did she know that?
Does he tell her all your personal and relationship business? Does she know all the details of your disagreements and put her two sense in as well? It’s one thing to take advice, but for him to tell personal and intimate details is just too much.
Compare and compete. You didn’t wash his whites exactly like she does. Your pancakes aren’t as fluffy. You fold the towels into halves instead of thirds. You don’t clean as thorough as Mama does. He constantly compares you two. And somehow you never measure up. Quickly it can turn into a competiton. You try to do everything just like his mother. Follow all her recipes and make sure his crease in his pants are perfect. Who did he fall in love with? You or his mother?
Indecisive. A man whose mother makes all his decisions for him will find it hard to make decisions for himself. Most women want a man to be the head of household. Take charge and help make choices that are best for the family. But being a Mama’s boy, who is used to someone else handling business, could leave you feeling like you are the only adult in the relationship.
He doesn’t defend you. Have you ever been in a predicament where his mother didn’t like you? Shouted it from the mountain tops? Never hid the fact that she didn’t like anything about you and had no qualms with telling you and anyone else who would listen? You run to your man and talk to him about how disrespectful his mother his and he takes her side! Or what if he is right there in front of his Mom and let’s her insult you?
Mom: “David, remember your ex girlfriend Shannon?”
David: “Yes Mom.”
Mom: “She was such a doll son. You should give her a call. I think she will be in town this weekend. You two should get reacquainted.”
David: Complete silence.
You: In your head. “Bitch!”
What if you said anything remotely insulting about his mother? Does he jump down your throat? Quick to defend her honor but not your own? You deserve respect just like she does.
Your number two. You find yourself being put on the back burner. You and his mother are running neck and neck for his attention. And you always come in at second place. He puts your needs after his mothers and makes sure she is taken care of first. No matter how minor, he always succumbs to his Mom. How many times is he going to leave you hanging to unplug her toliet?
Those are some of the main red flags of Mama Boys to not ignore. It can be a troubling relationship dealing with this kind of man. The mother and son relationship is a strong bond to try to untie.
If you truly love your guy and don’t want to hail a cab out of there, here are a few things that you can try:
Allow some time, but don’t put a wedge between them. There is no way a Mama’s Boy would ever let you come in between the woman who gave birth to him. Trying to disconnect all forms of communication will have you sitting on the curb. Don’t come in between them spending time with each other. Have Sunday dinner at your house every week. Try to impliment yourself into the time to come together as a family. She will like you even more if you accepted the time and was actually there. However, if your on a date and she calls him to kill a spider, remind him this is date night and when it is over he can turn into her superman.
No trash talking. Don’t bring up his mother’s flaws to him. He will immediately go on the defense. If you need to talk about how much you can’t stand her, call up a friend and vent to her. Not to her son!
Don’t compete. I know it will be hard to not try your best to do some of the same things his mother does to keep him happy. It had to be something about you that made him fall in love with YOU in the first place right? Be yourself. You can’t be in a relationshp trying to be someone you are not. If he doesn’t like you run full speed ahead and don’t look back.
Set boundaries and stand firm. His Mom calling him at all times of the day and night to run errands for her is unacceptable. A designated time should be established, just not whenever she feels like it, which seems to be always when your trying to spend quality time together. Stand firm in whatever boundaries you set. No disrespect from her, he can’t compare you two, or no running her errands past ten o’clock at night. Make sure it’s reasonable and stick to it.
Unsolicited advice. “You know if you would just color your hair a shade lighter you would look so much younger.” “If you would add a tablespoon of buttermilk to your cornbread it woud come out just like mine.” If his mother always gives you advice you didn’t ask for; acknowledge it, thank her, and change the subject. Don’t make any snide remarks or nonverbal cues that you are irritated. Thank her and keep the conversation moving.
If you try all these and he still hasn’t cut the umbilical cord, it’s time for you to exit stage left. He has been putting his mother first all his life. If he doesn’t see that when he gets a girlfriend/wife it’s time to let that woman be number one. Who wants to be second best? You deserve someone who will put your relationship first.