Standards: Raise Or Lower Your Bar

Standards.  That strong word that means so much. We all should have them. 


Standards keep you from dating scumbags, cheaters, and liars. A way for us to weed out the men who don’t deserve our time and attention.

Setting a standard of having a man with an education and who has never been to jail is an important standard to have in the dating world today. With more men in jail than in college, I have to say I can’t blame you for making this number one on your list. However, eliminating all men who stands less than 6’3 is absurd. You have to be realistic in what you want.

The question is are you standards too high or low?  Or are you too damn picky in choosing the men you date? All of these can pose problems in getting the man you want. 

Are you one of those ride or die chicks? You will do anything for your man? Stand by his side even when it comes to illegal activities? Take a charge for him so he won’t go to jail? Or what about dating a guy in jail? Writing long letters every week while he is paying his debt to society? Spending countless hours visiting him while he is locked up only to find yourself lonely and hurt. Before you know it years have went by and you are yearning for some companionship and love. I’m all about standing by your man, but not putting your life on hold for years because he can’t stay out of those silver bracelents.

This sounds like my friend Alesha. She and her baby’s daddy were riding around in her car. He had drugs on him. Blue lights pull her over for expired tags. Once she gets pulled over they search her car and lo and behold there are drugs hidden under the seat. We all know whose drugs they are. Unfortunately, the police don’t know that. Alesha decides to save her man from his third strike and take the rap herself. She gets charged and put on probation. As we all know what ultimately happens with those who break the law, he gets caught again and goes to jail. Now here she is paying her hard earned money to her probation officer every week and her man is in prison. Does this sound like your story? Anyone of your girlfriends been through this?

What about you? The reliable, loyal woman stuck with a man that can’t keep dipping in another woman’s sugar bowl? A man that comes home late every night, his dinner getting cold, and you in your scarf and gown with bitten fingernails waiting on him to walk through the door. You look through his phone while he is in his shower, to discover phone numbers from other women. When confronted about the situation he says, “Baby that is my cousin’s new number.”  His shirts always smell like perfume and you find passion marks on his neck. Tell-tale signs that you are not the only woman that he is getting in between the sheets with. He says he won’t do it again. He was drunk or had a lapse in common sense. You are the only woman he loves, they don’t mean anything to him. He don’t love those hoes. Take him back please. And what happens the next week? You find empty condom wrappers in his car. With so many diseases out there, you have to protect yourself. You cannot stay with a man that insists on having sex with other women. Your life isn’t worth this one man who can’t commit to only you. And by your life I’m talking about that one disease that there is no cure from.

I know a lot of women that can relate to this one as well. The woman who is exhausted from working all day and comes home to a man sitting on the couch watching television waiting on her to cook him dinner. The man who can’t get a job because “the man” is holding him down. I know times are rough for everyone these days. We are at a time where money is hard to come by. With that said, a man should want to provide for his family, even if that means starting from the bottom up. If that means getting a second job or working at McDonalds to make ends meet; that is what he needs to do. Therefore, if you have a man that you have to clothe, feed, and get nothing in return; things need to change. You shouldn’t have to take care of a full grown man who is capable of taking care of himself. You are not his mother and shouldn’t be acting like it. I’m not saying you shouldn’t clean or cook for him, but these days household duties should go half and half. And if he doesn’t work, you shouldn’t be lifting a finger once you get home from work.

I didn’t forget about this other type. The “I just gotta have a man!” woman. The kind that will take whatever the wind leaves on her doorstep. It doesn’t matter if he is broke, married, has six kids by six different women, poor hygiene, or her cousin’s boyfriend; she will take him. Any ol’ man will do as long as she can say she has a man. This type feels they can’t make it in this world without a man on their arm. They willingly get treated like trash just to have someone in their life. Being desperate and taking any man to say you are taken, is not going to help what you really need. Which is love for yourself. Being happy and alone is better than being with someone and miserable.

There are many more type of men that I can add on to this list: men who are physical and mental abusive, chauvinist, disrespectful, and the list goes on.

Don’t you deserve better?

You should demand to be treated with dignity and respect.

“Men will be men.” “That’s just how men are.” “All men are the same why even bother?” How many times have you told yourself this? These statements are often said by women who don’t know that they deserve the best. They feel like their only option is to just deal with it because their expectations in men fall below the bar. I’m here to tell you, you do not have to deal with it. Stop giving these men excuses treat you like a rag and throw you away.

Are you one of these women? Do you think raising or lowering your standards will help win in the game of love?



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