Black men are always saying black women will not be submissive. We are just too darn independent for our own good. We have to wear the pants in our relationship and won’t let our men lead. For years this is what we hear out of their mouths.
How many of you have heard this? To all the single ladies, have you been told this is why you are single?
Everyone’s definition of submissive is different. Some people think it means being at your man’s beck and call, washing his feet, and letting him be head of household and you stay silent. That is NOT what it means. Being submissive does not mean being under your man’s control or manipulation. Submission only means letting the man take the lead in the household. You work together as a team. He listens to your opinions and concerns, but he makes the decisions that are best for the family.
Many women don’t mind mind being submissive, but there are two top reasons that prevent us from letting go and allowing the man to be head of household and be submissive.
- NOT EVERY MAN KNOWS HOW TO LEAD Many men want to be captain of the ship, but they do not know how to drive the boat. It can be easy for women to pass that torch and let him lead but he has to know what to do with that power. Giving a man control of the household means he has to put the families best interest above everything else and some can’t handle that responsibility. You can’t let a man lead the family on a treacherous path, so some women do not let the man lead as a result of that. When so many men have grown up without their fathers, they have not had anyone to show them what it takes to lead their family. Who wants to take a chance on that?
- WE ARE RAISED TO NOT NEED A MAN We have watched our mother’s single handily raise us without our fathers. We were raised to not only never depend on a man for anything but to not depend on anyone. Even if a father figure is there we are still taught the same thing. Be independent. You never know when a man will walk out the door and leave you to fend for yourself so you have to be prepared. We are taught that and we in turn teach our daughters that same lesson.
Now that we know the top two reasons, now what? How do we fix this? The first thing is to make sure the man you are with can handle the head of household title. All men want to be called the King of the house, but can he truly earn that title to sit on the throne? You must ask yourself these questions:
- Is He responsible? Does he go to work every day, take care of the bills, and is reliable? He makes sure his responsibilities are always taken care of and never leaves you hanging. Does he step up? Take action when it is time, not hide behind you?
- Is he indecisive? When it comes to making decisions, can he come to the decision without changing his mind fifty times? Is he sure of himself? Doesn’t second guess himself? A man has to be able to think for himself and be able to solve problems without crumbling and running away from a problem.
- How does he treat you? As the lead of the family, he is supposed to set the example for the children on how a woman is supposed to be treated. You are to be treated with respect, tenderness, and unconditional love. Does he treat you as such?
- Does he make the best decisions for the family? Being the head of household means that he has to make sure at all times the families needs are always met. That is first and foremost above his own. Are his needs met before the families?
There are two sides to this story. Women have to be open to the man being the lead and be able to pull back a little and let him. It is tough to let a man come in and run a household that you have been holding down the whole time, but a real man wants to play his role. A man wants to be a man and doesn’t want to fight over both pants legs. And a man has to know how to lead and be worthy enough for this title. Not every man deserves this. You have to make sure before you give him the job, his resume is up to par. What is your take on this classmates? Does this work in your household? Have you ever encountered a man who had no clue on being head of household?